On Feeling Fulfilled

So, there's this nagging question I've had circling around the top of my head during this season of life.  Plans have not exactly developed like they were supposed to have over the last couple of years (at least not according to my finite, self-centered perspective).  Surprise, surprise.  

Are we Christians that spoiled?  We're legends in our own minds, and in every Bible story we read, WE are the hero.  We are living out our own story, and everyone and everything around us serves us and our story.

The question is, as a believer in and follower of the Creator of the universe -  both concepts (Creator, universe), that are a strain for me to even imagine, but  are the only ideas that make any sense - am I supposed to feel fulfilled, as though I am carrying out His divine purpose?  Am I supposed to just love what I'm doing 100% of the time?

There are those who say they follow Christ who also hold to the conviction that if there is even 1% of your job that you don't like, then you need to stop doing it and start doing what you enjoy.

Ok, so that's a bit extreme.  That idea is one end of the spectrum.

I suppose the other end of the spectrum might sound something like this:  Following Christ is hard and if you're finding the way easy and enjoyable, if you're not being opposed by the enemy at every step along the way, then you're probably not really following Him, or at least you're not really making any impact for His kingdom.

This is the part where we proof-text and draw our own neat little conclusions that makes us feel better.

Or maybe not.  

The truth about feeling fulfilled is out there, somewhere between the two above-mentioned extremes.  

It's between thinking that all the world revolves around us and our feelings of usefulness or uselessness, and believing that we just don't matter and have nothing to offer the universe in His divine plan.

The truth is in the tension that exists between being owned by our Maker, who can pick us up or put us down as an instrument to be used as He pleases, and being a vital, invaluable member of the Body of Christ, who brings glory to Him through the special gifts He has chosen for us to have and use.

The next time we are not feeling very fulfilled, we would do well to stop and ask our souls some questions that might help us know where these feelings are coming from:

1.  Are we submitting to Him in the closest task at hand,  no matter how mundane and insignificant it may seem to us, or to others?

2.  Do we really trust God, and believe that He is all we need?  Or, are we making an idol out of feeling "useful" or fulfilled?

3.  Is there even an ounce of us that wants self-glory, instead of glory for Him?

Running Mental

I want to describe a method I use when I run that helps me accomplish two things:  It helps me through the run faster (at least I feel as though the time passes faster), and helps me to meditate on God and His truth.

When I read in the mornings, I usually take a section of Scripture and ask Him to show me what I need to focus on for that day, and then I try to come up with 2 or 3 key words or phrases that help me remember and apply the truth to my life.

I've never enjoyed trying to memorize the Word, but I can remember two or three words that prompt me to remember  truth from the Word, and meditate on these so that I can let Him transform my thinking and attitudes.

This morning, for example, I read Psalm 33, and came away with the following:                                                        

                  *HOPE in Your STEADFAST LOVE.   

          *the PLANS of YOUR HEART STAND FOREVER

                  *FEAR YOU, for You SPOKE, and it CAME TO BE

So, as I started my jog this morning, I reminded myself of these three bits of truth.  I ran about 3 miles, and at least the first quarter mile or so, I reviewed these in my mind.  

By the way, I finished my jog today in just under 35 minutes, so I'm not fast, but I've always felt that it's better to be consistent and keep jogging as a lifestyle, than try to work out too much and get injured, so that I can't run anymore at all.  So far, thankfully, I've not blown out a knee or anything.  I usually try to run at least 2 or 3 times per week, and run at least 35 minutes each time, which is just a bare minimum, basic fitness work out.

Anyway, back to this morning's run.  As I settle into the run, I take the first truth, and repeat it over and over, usually in rhythm with my breathing or my pace, until I come to that tree up ahead, or the next turn, or whatever location I see ahead of me, at least 50 to 100 meters or so.  Not only do I repeat the word or phrase, but I meditate on what it means and on any related Words of truth the Lord may remind me of while I am thinking about the truth.

When I reach that tree, then I go to the next point of truth and do the same thing.  I sometimes wait and listen to see if He wants to remind me of any other story or truth that will help reinforce what He is saying, or I ask Him to show me how I can apply this truth for this day.

Often, He reminds me of how He has worked out that truth in my life in the past, and I feel encouraged to know that He is at work, and that He's faithful and will continue with me and help me, both for that day and forever.   This often turns into praising Him and thanking Him while I'm running.

I've heard runners say that the mental aspect of running is tougher than the physical.  This way of thinking about Him during my jogging time has helped me to practice the discipline of loving Him with my mind, and it's also given me the mental toughness to keep at my pace and not quit.

Gifts and Faithfulness

A big question for me is, are we supposed to pursue using the gifts that You've given us, to the degree that we say "no" to tasks in front of us that we don't feel comfortable with?  Don't you call us to do things that don't necessarily seem to be a good "fit" for the abilities You have given us?

I enjoy working in a language other than English.  I'm fairly good at communication cross-culturally, and am very motivated to grow in that area.  

I do like to travel.  I like helping in a way that it makes it easy for someone else to do their job.  I like using the local language exclusively to make arrangements for volunteers or others to come in and do Main Thing activities.

You have provided me with so many life experiences in raising kids/having a family overseas, in a cross-cultural environment, and I would like to encourage young families coming out, so that they can make good adjustments to field work and keep at the work for an extended time.

Shepherding, helping, serving, teaching...   But not cold turkey EV stuff and t4t type work, nor direct CP.   Getting to know two or three local men, or local couples, using the language, in such a way that they become disciples who make more disciples, in  a very natural way,  is something I believe I enjoy doing and can do effectively.

Taking some truth from Your Word, and helping someone to discover for themselves the clear meaning, and watching them to take the Holy-Spirit led initiative of applying it to their lives is very encouraging to me.

I've always felt that starting all of this with my own family first is my primary responsibility

But if I am convinced that You are telling me to do something that has nothing to do with any of the gifts You have giving me, nor with my likes or past experiences, then I must go with You, yes?

If we are to reign with You in eternity, could THAT be where our gifts will be used the most effectively, while this earthly time is more of a training time for us?

Still, I believe You want to be glorified by Your Body, the Church.  We use our gifts to serve as the Body of Christ, led by the Spirit of Christ, while we are still on this "earth pilgrimage"

Does our perceived "usefulness" go through "seasons"?

Help me, help us, to be faithful and to remember You and be mindful each day of how You want to use us and be with us and LEAD us for that day.

I cannot see much beyond this right now...  I'm thankful and give this all to You, Lord, because it's really beyond me to understand or figure out.