Free

don't forget to forget the self

decreasing, no need to use that time, that energy

On what's dead, not real

Increasing, He lives - He's given all:  life, power, freedom

Free to let go of the self, free from the slavery of feelings,

of performance, of license, of our own understanding ....

free to be owned by You, to be Yours, Yours forever

forever has passed us, is now, is future

look at the eyes

the eyes are the closest we get

the  closest we get to see someone's eternity because

we have flesh, but are not flesh

not the face, not the hands, nor feet, nor body

but the eyes.

His eye sees, He sees

someone said, "Remember me!"

it was the dust, he said

deliver us from the weariness,

the idols, idols to ourselves, of ourselves

the weariness of the burden, the lies that we

are more than dust, and that You do not see

On Feeling Fulfilled

So, there's this nagging question I've had circling around the top of my head during this season of life.  Plans have not exactly developed like they were supposed to have over the last couple of years (at least not according to my finite, self-centered perspective).  Surprise, surprise.  

Are we Christians that spoiled?  We're legends in our own minds, and in every Bible story we read, WE are the hero.  We are living out our own story, and everyone and everything around us serves us and our story.

The question is, as a believer in and follower of the Creator of the universe -  both concepts (Creator, universe), that are a strain for me to even imagine, but  are the only ideas that make any sense - am I supposed to feel fulfilled, as though I am carrying out His divine purpose?  Am I supposed to just love what I'm doing 100% of the time?

There are those who say they follow Christ who also hold to the conviction that if there is even 1% of your job that you don't like, then you need to stop doing it and start doing what you enjoy.

Ok, so that's a bit extreme.  That idea is one end of the spectrum.

I suppose the other end of the spectrum might sound something like this:  Following Christ is hard and if you're finding the way easy and enjoyable, if you're not being opposed by the enemy at every step along the way, then you're probably not really following Him, or at least you're not really making any impact for His kingdom.

This is the part where we proof-text and draw our own neat little conclusions that makes us feel better.

Or maybe not.  

The truth about feeling fulfilled is out there, somewhere between the two above-mentioned extremes.  

It's between thinking that all the world revolves around us and our feelings of usefulness or uselessness, and believing that we just don't matter and have nothing to offer the universe in His divine plan.

The truth is in the tension that exists between being owned by our Maker, who can pick us up or put us down as an instrument to be used as He pleases, and being a vital, invaluable member of the Body of Christ, who brings glory to Him through the special gifts He has chosen for us to have and use.

The next time we are not feeling very fulfilled, we would do well to stop and ask our souls some questions that might help us know where these feelings are coming from:

1.  Are we submitting to Him in the closest task at hand,  no matter how mundane and insignificant it may seem to us, or to others?

2.  Do we really trust God, and believe that He is all we need?  Or, are we making an idol out of feeling "useful" or fulfilled?

3.  Is there even an ounce of us that wants self-glory, instead of glory for Him?

Running Mental

I want to describe a method I use when I run that helps me accomplish two things:  It helps me through the run faster (at least I feel as though the time passes faster), and helps me to meditate on God and His truth.

When I read in the mornings, I usually take a section of Scripture and ask Him to show me what I need to focus on for that day, and then I try to come up with 2 or 3 key words or phrases that help me remember and apply the truth to my life.

I've never enjoyed trying to memorize the Word, but I can remember two or three words that prompt me to remember  truth from the Word, and meditate on these so that I can let Him transform my thinking and attitudes.

This morning, for example, I read Psalm 33, and came away with the following:                                                        

                  *HOPE in Your STEADFAST LOVE.   

          *the PLANS of YOUR HEART STAND FOREVER

                  *FEAR YOU, for You SPOKE, and it CAME TO BE

So, as I started my jog this morning, I reminded myself of these three bits of truth.  I ran about 3 miles, and at least the first quarter mile or so, I reviewed these in my mind.  

By the way, I finished my jog today in just under 35 minutes, so I'm not fast, but I've always felt that it's better to be consistent and keep jogging as a lifestyle, than try to work out too much and get injured, so that I can't run anymore at all.  So far, thankfully, I've not blown out a knee or anything.  I usually try to run at least 2 or 3 times per week, and run at least 35 minutes each time, which is just a bare minimum, basic fitness work out.

Anyway, back to this morning's run.  As I settle into the run, I take the first truth, and repeat it over and over, usually in rhythm with my breathing or my pace, until I come to that tree up ahead, or the next turn, or whatever location I see ahead of me, at least 50 to 100 meters or so.  Not only do I repeat the word or phrase, but I meditate on what it means and on any related Words of truth the Lord may remind me of while I am thinking about the truth.

When I reach that tree, then I go to the next point of truth and do the same thing.  I sometimes wait and listen to see if He wants to remind me of any other story or truth that will help reinforce what He is saying, or I ask Him to show me how I can apply this truth for this day.

Often, He reminds me of how He has worked out that truth in my life in the past, and I feel encouraged to know that He is at work, and that He's faithful and will continue with me and help me, both for that day and forever.   This often turns into praising Him and thanking Him while I'm running.

I've heard runners say that the mental aspect of running is tougher than the physical.  This way of thinking about Him during my jogging time has helped me to practice the discipline of loving Him with my mind, and it's also given me the mental toughness to keep at my pace and not quit.

Gifts and Faithfulness

A big question for me is, are we supposed to pursue using the gifts that You've given us, to the degree that we say "no" to tasks in front of us that we don't feel comfortable with?  Don't you call us to do things that don't necessarily seem to be a good "fit" for the abilities You have given us?

I enjoy working in a language other than English.  I'm fairly good at communication cross-culturally, and am very motivated to grow in that area.  

I do like to travel.  I like helping in a way that it makes it easy for someone else to do their job.  I like using the local language exclusively to make arrangements for volunteers or others to come in and do Main Thing activities.

You have provided me with so many life experiences in raising kids/having a family overseas, in a cross-cultural environment, and I would like to encourage young families coming out, so that they can make good adjustments to field work and keep at the work for an extended time.

Shepherding, helping, serving, teaching...   But not cold turkey EV stuff and t4t type work, nor direct CP.   Getting to know two or three local men, or local couples, using the language, in such a way that they become disciples who make more disciples, in  a very natural way,  is something I believe I enjoy doing and can do effectively.

Taking some truth from Your Word, and helping someone to discover for themselves the clear meaning, and watching them to take the Holy-Spirit led initiative of applying it to their lives is very encouraging to me.

I've always felt that starting all of this with my own family first is my primary responsibility

But if I am convinced that You are telling me to do something that has nothing to do with any of the gifts You have giving me, nor with my likes or past experiences, then I must go with You, yes?

If we are to reign with You in eternity, could THAT be where our gifts will be used the most effectively, while this earthly time is more of a training time for us?

Still, I believe You want to be glorified by Your Body, the Church.  We use our gifts to serve as the Body of Christ, led by the Spirit of Christ, while we are still on this "earth pilgrimage"

Does our perceived "usefulness" go through "seasons"?

Help me, help us, to be faithful and to remember You and be mindful each day of how You want to use us and be with us and LEAD us for that day.

I cannot see much beyond this right now...  I'm thankful and give this all to You, Lord, because it's really beyond me to understand or figure out.

Introverted or Anti-Social?

Is there really such a thing as introversion or exttroversion?  According to the famous Myers-Briggs inventory, I would be an introvert.

When there are tons of people around, noise from the TV or other peripheral noise, I tend to start feelling very tired.  It sucks the energy out of me.  I watched a young lady on a TED talks video give a convincing argument that some people are just wired to live quietly.  Introverts take longer to process information because they are just wired to do it that way.  

But I hesitate to use the pronoun "we", as in "we like to sit in the corner of the room at parties and observe."  Because, just maybe I"m really antisocial.  There's nothing introverted about it, I'm a snob.  I'm critical and I like to make fun of people.  This is sounding quite schizophrenic.

Was Jesus antisocial when He wandered off by Himself to pray, when the disciples finally noticed He wasn't around and went off looking for HIm??  Was He just tired when they found Him in the bottom of the boat sleeping, even though everyone else was on deck, fearful of the storm?

However we lable it, we know for certain that Jesus always did what was right, so there is hope for me that I'm doing ok if I need to just be away from people for a time.  Likewise, if I'm being an unfriendly jerk, then I know that is not  pleasing to Jesus and I should really check my attitude and not make excuses for it.

Discipleship and Social Media

Even before we had left Asia 4 months ago, I had noticed how the young people in our country were just as plugged in to social media as young people in the States are.  On buses, at school, whether they were at home or at work, the youth of our host country had already become technologically savvy and were now fully intergrated into a rapidly multiplying, online youth subculture.

Here in the States, culture observers have been commenting on the back lash of the amount of time teenagers and even adults are spending "plugged in".  Mostly we're seeing the negative outweighing the positive effects of this instant access to information and to each other.  Social media has encouraged a level of narcissism that's never been seen in America, at least not by so many of us at one time.

But one question that I"ve heard very few people ask in our churches is, how does this ability to be and stay plugged in to the world affect our discipleship efforts?  Obviously, like any other tool, the internet and instant, free, worldwide communications has given us a greater opportunity to reach the nations for Christ than at any other time in the history of the world.

But, I'm afraid that one negative result is that young people don't understand the value of staying in one place for a long period of time.  To plant oneself in one, local context and, as one former supervisor said to me one time, "dig down deep like a tick", is what is needed most in order to truly make disciples.  This is how we see transformation in the communities in which we live.  We want to see disciples who will grow and make more disciples.

Cell phones and 24/7 online access makes it all too easy for cross-cultrual workers to move from place to place, changing jobs, changing schools, while staying connected.  When, what is needed most, is to to persevere in one location, inviting others to share in the stresses and joys of life together.

This is a topic worthy of further discussion with young people who sense a call to work cross-culturally, or even those who would want to remain in their home country and make a lasting impact for Christ in their own culture.

A Long Hello

The day after tomorrow, we are scheduled to be on a 6:00 am flight out of my hometown here in the USA to head back to East Asia, our home since 1998.  My little family has been here in the States for 4 months.

What a joy, and what a restful time it's been to be with our family and close friends.  We've been traveling a lot, too.  So, yes, there's some weariness.  But that's really nothing compared to the close fellowship we've had and refreshment we've experienced over long meals, hot cups of coffee, and SEC football games with our loved ones.

God's brought a major winter snowstorm our way today.  I'm stuck with my family at my parents house, along with my wife's parents, and the airport is closed.  We hear from the weather on tv that it's supposed to be cleared up and the airport re-opened by tomorrow around noon.  There is a tiny part of my heart that wants everything to stay shut down for a while, just to have the extra time with my Mom and Dad.

Does anybody really like to say goodbye to people you enjoy being with,  especially when you wont's see them again for a very long time?  Goodbyes are not that fun.

In the early 90's, there was a Christian song out called, "Heaven is a Long Hello".

That will be nice.  What a comforting thought!  What a true perspective on where our eternal home and comfort is.  It's normal right now, on this earth, to have that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach, knowing you have to go through another pre-dawn goodbye ritual with your extended family and in-laws, as you head out for that first leg of your long flight back overseas.

But remembering our Creator, and remembering that there will be, indeed, more earthly hellos, as well as one, very long, Heavenly hello, helps us to keep putting one foot in front of the other on our journey with Jesus.